Why you're in your own way and how to step aside
The 5 ways writers eff things up for themselves
Hello, and happy Wednesday. What are you going to be for Halloween? I am going to be a stock image of a buffalo crossing the road who is supposed to represent a writer who won’t get out of their own way!
No, but seriously. I don’t know what I’m going to be for Halloween. I am thinking Kenny Rogers in the “Islands in a Stream” video and my husband goes as Dolly Parton?
And even more seriously, to the subject of this post. I’ve been working as a writing coach officially for a few years now, and coaching myself for three decades plus. When I describe the work I do to non-writers, they usually ask if I’m a “literary shrink.”
The truth is that a lot of the coaching work I do is psychological because most writers are blocked—initially—by themselves. There will come a point, of course, when they are blocked by other things (gatekeepers, a word-count limit, a missed deadline), but all too often, what holds us back from getting deep and difficult work done is our own insecurities and counterproductive habits.
I took some time this week to think about the ways that writers frequently get (and stay) in their own way, and what I think they (you?) can do to stop doing that.
#1 The Approval Matrix writer
The set-up: The Approval Matrix writer needs constant reassurance that they’re doing as well as (or preferably, better than) their colleagues and peers. This kind of writer needs constant publication, a robust comment section, blue-check verification on all their social media platforms, and invitations to all the hot literary things.
The problem: This kind of creator is so invested in being (and remaining) popular in both the virtual and IRL spheres that they are losing the ability to create content on their own, offline. They might have a deadline approaching for a book that isn’t done, because they need someone to give them a “like” for every paragraph they’re writing, and their agent and/or editor doesn’t have the time or interest in doing that.
The solution: This kind of writer should admit that they have a social media addiction, and then work toward addressing that addiction in a few ways. Their addiction to the internet is also probably one of the reasons for their success, so asking this kind of person to go totally offline would be a career mistake. Rather, they’ll need to set strict social media use guidelines that they can use their online platforms to telegraph: for example, using their Twitter profile to read, “Writer McWriter, freelance culture writer, online from 4-6pm each day.”
It might sound hokey, but using an out-of-office reminder or your own social media bios as a bouncer to protect your writing time will normalize what it feels like to create “unplugged” because you won’t have that buzzy anxious feeling that people are waiting for you to manifest with a hot take on subject X or Y.
While it might seem like a digital detox is the path forward for this kind of writer (“I’m going to be offline the entire month of October because I’m going to a residency!!”)—in my experience working with this creative type, they need other people to embrace their progress, so blocking out Wifi-free time each day works better than blocking out the internet completely, and is easier to achieve.
Read on for archetypes 2-5!