This story really hit with me, Courtney! It brought back memories of when my own type-A tendencies were put to the test. I love that you embraced your husband's Maine vacation challenge and, in the end, didn't want to leave.
About a decade ago, I was conducting social science research in Southern India, living at ashrams and interviewing residents about why Westerners seek spiritual experiences there. What I hadn't anticipated was how profoundly the austere ashram lifestyle would challenge me. No amount of preparation could have readied me for what I was about to discover about myself and my relationship with comfort and productivity. Here's to new experiences!
I loved that read, Courtney. I giggled and empathized at the same time. The photo of you looking into the great beyond says so much. I was once a full-on Type-A, but this situation 51 years ago (I was 21) kicked off a life of rehab...
Three weeks after graduating from Smith College in 1974, I followed my new boyfriend to the remote Rosebud Indian Reservation in South Dakota. I wasn't an anthropologist, social worker, government employee, or missionary—reasons an educated white woman my age would have ventured there at the time. I was just a curious twenty-one-year-old trailing a rebellious boy. The romantic summer adventure I’d envisioned sharing with him did not include living in an armed American Indian Movement (AIM) camp. But that’s where I landed. Two days later, equally unanticipated, I was served peyote by Lakota medicine man Henry Crow Dog, born in 1899. Feeling both out of place and out of control, I considered leaving every day for about the first month, but some kindness on the part of those amazing old people, or some magic experience in a ceremony, kept me there. After years of holding back, thinking this story might not be mine to tell, I've finished a memoir about all that and more. It's now LFG time! (Please thank your kids for that one.)
Congratulations on finishing your manuscript, Barbara! And for sharing what does, indeed, sound like a physically and spiritually challenging experience, especially at such a young age!
as a fellow type-A, every one of my abdominal muscles cramped from reading this (good cuz i haven’t worked out in forever?)—but once you allowed acceptance, what were the magical bits of matinicus?? the worst travel snafu i can recall was arriving in mumbai during monsoon season to find the mattress in our airbnb sopping wet. i was so sleep-deprived & frustrated trying to negotiate a refund and new booking; thankfully my friend took over, sorted it out, and booked us into the taj palace—pure luxury & it was actually the same px as the airbnb!
Aww, there was so much magic! Birds galore, freezing water, no agenda, nothing touristy to do or feel guilty about not doing, long walks in the woods with NO TICKS (because island), meeting everyone on the island within two days, Fourth of July fireworks on the wharf with the fishermen and their kids, the sound of boats leaving and churning through the ocean at dawn, not having to worry about running out of groceries and deciding who was going to go shopping because there was nowhere to go and nothing to buy and of course, lobster for lunch and dinner for a week. Let me tell you- I have my own monsoon stories. I will just say it involved Kathmandu and Giardia and monsoon season and it was one of the worst times of my life. I was on a sopped mattress that also had bed bugs. FUN TIMES. (This was for a cultural exchange program I participated in as a teen.)
Ha, this challenge is the whole basis for my WIP memoir, when a Type-A over planner doesn't engage the escape plan and gets caught on an island in a catastrophic hurricane, only to switch tactics and return to the islands as a boat dweller. Mother Nature derails every plan A, B and C if she can help it. Boat life forced me to slow down and go with the flow in every meaning of that phrase. Deep breaths. Adjust. Nama-freaking-sté, y'all. Glad you had a nice getaway.
I've had to "dismantle my constitution" as a lover of quiet for most of the summer. Like every summer, my kids are home; unlike most summers, so is my husband--all day, every day--until he starts his new job. Lord, send me silence!
Such a great story of yours, and I'm glad you grew accustomed--that is pretty darned remote. My one and only trip to a remote island (Pelee in Canadian waters) was accompanied by tent-camping and a terrifying storm. That did me in for both of those things.
But what I'm still laughing about is your foiled plan to rebottle your salts and vinegars. Last night, my more Type A kid and I were discussing our new Himalayan salt that is so chunky, when you hit a grain, you feel like you've broken a tooth. So, we had a whole discussion about pounding that salt to a more appropriate particle size. But the Type B in me got tired after dinner and forgot about it.
Well, thank you, Courtney, for your posts that are always enlightening and inspiring in various ways!
Looove midcoast Maine--we leave for our semi-annual trip the day after tomorrow. Did you eat at the little restaurant in the airport? I'm so curious about that place. Also, J. Courtney Sullivan is one of my favorite authors. Definitely fun to read that novel in Maine. I think Friends & Strangers would be my next read, just saying.
So the airport we were in is far off to the right- it's not part of the airport airport to the left that has a café (which was closed- I did check it out.) Have a wonderful trip and safe travels!
As fellow type A over-thinker and major planner I could feel my cortisol levels rising reading about the first parts of your trip but the payoff for a remote Maine island getaway sounds amazing and MAINE is going on my library request. I’ve noticed anytime I am taking a vacation with the sole purpose to unwind I need at least 1-2 days to settle in and embrace the unknown/unstructured days that we need to relax and then I’m golden. Glad I’m not alone in this!
It's so true! That's one of the reasons I'm loathe to do "weekends away" with friends- by the time I'm finally unwinding, it's time to drive home. I feel like two days only gives you time to put things away and deal with groceries and meal prep-- not sexy, vacation activities, you know? Also as an insomniac I need at least 3 days to adjust and learn to sleep in a new environment. And cortisol levels indeed-- you should have seen me when I found our bikes had been taken by the neighbor kids after we'd planned a two mile bike to a distant beach for a picnic...I was doing lamaze breathing LOL
Fully agree, a weekend away is such a trip tease! And OMG the bikes would’ve caused a major freak out and insomnia factor is an added layer to needing that settling in time. The self soothing techniques are so real LOL mine is listening to music
Ah, the evolution of "the nervous flyer"...this was a great story! It reminds me of my solo motorcycle journeys from Western Colorado up to Sturgis, South Dakota. You can plan and plan and plan (packing for a moto trip must be suuuuper tight)....and then sh*t happens! I'm Type A, too, and this kind of travel has forced me to loosen up and surrender to the flow of the open road. In 2013 I camped out, so that I could stay IN Sturgis, at the heart of the action, for a reasonable price, and that year was particularly rainy. Rain multiple times a day; constantly changing into the rain suit and/or hiding in the canvas tent from monsoon downpours. At the end of the week, I was OVER IT. I hammered home, 646 miles in one day, took something like 14 or 15 hours, and the crises and stories from that single journey will stick with me forever. I need to write this story...thanks, Courtney, for the inspiration!
Oh MAN. Being that wet and that uncomfortable is...challenging to read about much less live. You should definitely write about this! I can't believe you drove that far in one go. It's all I can do to last 2.5 hours behind the wheel. Thank you for sharing!
I was so invested in this story. I could feel the Type-A in me twist and shout.
My stepdad used to live in an off-grid cabin up (really up) in Canada. He lived there full time, on his little island, with his generator, cans of beans and horde of horseflies. I visited every summer, and every summer I hated the first two days. But by the end of the trip, I would inevitably sob because I didn't want to leave.
"I understood that Matinicus is a place where you physically prepare for things to go one way, but emotionally prepare for nothing to work out" is now seared into my heart.
Thank you Ariane! I'm now invested in your stepfather's story...how did he deal with the horseflies? They are AWFUL this summer where I live in Connecticut-- my husband tried to go for a hike the other day and rushed home nearly in tears. And your stepdad lived off grid full time! That's amazing. Did he work on projects there? Thank you so much for sharing.
Ha! He did what I never could bring myself to: he surrendered to them. Learned about their life cycle and wore long sleeves and neutral colors. Fire/smoke, pine tar or OFF deep wood (when he had to stay outside for a long time) helped, but for the most part, I'd find him at the end of the summer with his arms and head (he was bald) covered with scabs. He moved super slowly in the woods (because horseflies track movement very well) or patiently waited for them to land, and slapped them with his big paw. When I asked about how he kept his sanity living there, he just shrugged.
This is wonderful. It makes me think of that front section of the NYer where you get these vivid vignettes about a corner of life. I laughed out loud a couple of times.
This story really hit with me, Courtney! It brought back memories of when my own type-A tendencies were put to the test. I love that you embraced your husband's Maine vacation challenge and, in the end, didn't want to leave.
About a decade ago, I was conducting social science research in Southern India, living at ashrams and interviewing residents about why Westerners seek spiritual experiences there. What I hadn't anticipated was how profoundly the austere ashram lifestyle would challenge me. No amount of preparation could have readied me for what I was about to discover about myself and my relationship with comfort and productivity. Here's to new experiences!
"comfort and productivity"-- wowzers. Have you written about this, Georgine? Maybe it's in your current project?
It's not my current memoir project but related to my next--a novel!
Love it.
I loved that read, Courtney. I giggled and empathized at the same time. The photo of you looking into the great beyond says so much. I was once a full-on Type-A, but this situation 51 years ago (I was 21) kicked off a life of rehab...
Three weeks after graduating from Smith College in 1974, I followed my new boyfriend to the remote Rosebud Indian Reservation in South Dakota. I wasn't an anthropologist, social worker, government employee, or missionary—reasons an educated white woman my age would have ventured there at the time. I was just a curious twenty-one-year-old trailing a rebellious boy. The romantic summer adventure I’d envisioned sharing with him did not include living in an armed American Indian Movement (AIM) camp. But that’s where I landed. Two days later, equally unanticipated, I was served peyote by Lakota medicine man Henry Crow Dog, born in 1899. Feeling both out of place and out of control, I considered leaving every day for about the first month, but some kindness on the part of those amazing old people, or some magic experience in a ceremony, kept me there. After years of holding back, thinking this story might not be mine to tell, I've finished a memoir about all that and more. It's now LFG time! (Please thank your kids for that one.)
Congratulations on finishing your manuscript, Barbara! And for sharing what does, indeed, sound like a physically and spiritually challenging experience, especially at such a young age!
as a fellow type-A, every one of my abdominal muscles cramped from reading this (good cuz i haven’t worked out in forever?)—but once you allowed acceptance, what were the magical bits of matinicus?? the worst travel snafu i can recall was arriving in mumbai during monsoon season to find the mattress in our airbnb sopping wet. i was so sleep-deprived & frustrated trying to negotiate a refund and new booking; thankfully my friend took over, sorted it out, and booked us into the taj palace—pure luxury & it was actually the same px as the airbnb!
oh jesus christ @ kathmandu😬 forget that trip—i am so happy you got to have lobster on this one!
Aww, there was so much magic! Birds galore, freezing water, no agenda, nothing touristy to do or feel guilty about not doing, long walks in the woods with NO TICKS (because island), meeting everyone on the island within two days, Fourth of July fireworks on the wharf with the fishermen and their kids, the sound of boats leaving and churning through the ocean at dawn, not having to worry about running out of groceries and deciding who was going to go shopping because there was nowhere to go and nothing to buy and of course, lobster for lunch and dinner for a week. Let me tell you- I have my own monsoon stories. I will just say it involved Kathmandu and Giardia and monsoon season and it was one of the worst times of my life. I was on a sopped mattress that also had bed bugs. FUN TIMES. (This was for a cultural exchange program I participated in as a teen.)
Ha, this challenge is the whole basis for my WIP memoir, when a Type-A over planner doesn't engage the escape plan and gets caught on an island in a catastrophic hurricane, only to switch tactics and return to the islands as a boat dweller. Mother Nature derails every plan A, B and C if she can help it. Boat life forced me to slow down and go with the flow in every meaning of that phrase. Deep breaths. Adjust. Nama-freaking-sté, y'all. Glad you had a nice getaway.
Boat life works on a totally different timetable than life on land that's for darn sure! Good luck with the WIP!
Matinicus sounds less like the name of an island and more like a book of the Bible
It really does, right? Since we got back a friend of mine has been calling it “Leviticus.”
I've had to "dismantle my constitution" as a lover of quiet for most of the summer. Like every summer, my kids are home; unlike most summers, so is my husband--all day, every day--until he starts his new job. Lord, send me silence!
Such a great story of yours, and I'm glad you grew accustomed--that is pretty darned remote. My one and only trip to a remote island (Pelee in Canadian waters) was accompanied by tent-camping and a terrifying storm. That did me in for both of those things.
But what I'm still laughing about is your foiled plan to rebottle your salts and vinegars. Last night, my more Type A kid and I were discussing our new Himalayan salt that is so chunky, when you hit a grain, you feel like you've broken a tooth. So, we had a whole discussion about pounding that salt to a more appropriate particle size. But the Type B in me got tired after dinner and forgot about it.
Well, thank you, Courtney, for your posts that are always enlightening and inspiring in various ways!
Looove midcoast Maine--we leave for our semi-annual trip the day after tomorrow. Did you eat at the little restaurant in the airport? I'm so curious about that place. Also, J. Courtney Sullivan is one of my favorite authors. Definitely fun to read that novel in Maine. I think Friends & Strangers would be my next read, just saying.
ha I just realized I meant BI-annual, not semi-annual. If only...
So the airport we were in is far off to the right- it's not part of the airport airport to the left that has a café (which was closed- I did check it out.) Have a wonderful trip and safe travels!
As fellow type A over-thinker and major planner I could feel my cortisol levels rising reading about the first parts of your trip but the payoff for a remote Maine island getaway sounds amazing and MAINE is going on my library request. I’ve noticed anytime I am taking a vacation with the sole purpose to unwind I need at least 1-2 days to settle in and embrace the unknown/unstructured days that we need to relax and then I’m golden. Glad I’m not alone in this!
It's so true! That's one of the reasons I'm loathe to do "weekends away" with friends- by the time I'm finally unwinding, it's time to drive home. I feel like two days only gives you time to put things away and deal with groceries and meal prep-- not sexy, vacation activities, you know? Also as an insomniac I need at least 3 days to adjust and learn to sleep in a new environment. And cortisol levels indeed-- you should have seen me when I found our bikes had been taken by the neighbor kids after we'd planned a two mile bike to a distant beach for a picnic...I was doing lamaze breathing LOL
Fully agree, a weekend away is such a trip tease! And OMG the bikes would’ve caused a major freak out and insomnia factor is an added layer to needing that settling in time. The self soothing techniques are so real LOL mine is listening to music
Ah, the evolution of "the nervous flyer"...this was a great story! It reminds me of my solo motorcycle journeys from Western Colorado up to Sturgis, South Dakota. You can plan and plan and plan (packing for a moto trip must be suuuuper tight)....and then sh*t happens! I'm Type A, too, and this kind of travel has forced me to loosen up and surrender to the flow of the open road. In 2013 I camped out, so that I could stay IN Sturgis, at the heart of the action, for a reasonable price, and that year was particularly rainy. Rain multiple times a day; constantly changing into the rain suit and/or hiding in the canvas tent from monsoon downpours. At the end of the week, I was OVER IT. I hammered home, 646 miles in one day, took something like 14 or 15 hours, and the crises and stories from that single journey will stick with me forever. I need to write this story...thanks, Courtney, for the inspiration!
Oh MAN. Being that wet and that uncomfortable is...challenging to read about much less live. You should definitely write about this! I can't believe you drove that far in one go. It's all I can do to last 2.5 hours behind the wheel. Thank you for sharing!
I was so invested in this story. I could feel the Type-A in me twist and shout.
My stepdad used to live in an off-grid cabin up (really up) in Canada. He lived there full time, on his little island, with his generator, cans of beans and horde of horseflies. I visited every summer, and every summer I hated the first two days. But by the end of the trip, I would inevitably sob because I didn't want to leave.
"I understood that Matinicus is a place where you physically prepare for things to go one way, but emotionally prepare for nothing to work out" is now seared into my heart.
Wonderful read.
Thank you Ariane! I'm now invested in your stepfather's story...how did he deal with the horseflies? They are AWFUL this summer where I live in Connecticut-- my husband tried to go for a hike the other day and rushed home nearly in tears. And your stepdad lived off grid full time! That's amazing. Did he work on projects there? Thank you so much for sharing.
Ha! He did what I never could bring myself to: he surrendered to them. Learned about their life cycle and wore long sleeves and neutral colors. Fire/smoke, pine tar or OFF deep wood (when he had to stay outside for a long time) helped, but for the most part, I'd find him at the end of the summer with his arms and head (he was bald) covered with scabs. He moved super slowly in the woods (because horseflies track movement very well) or patiently waited for them to land, and slapped them with his big paw. When I asked about how he kept his sanity living there, he just shrugged.
I miss him.
Aww. He sounds really wonderful and special.
This is wonderful. It makes me think of that front section of the NYer where you get these vivid vignettes about a corner of life. I laughed out loud a couple of times.
Thank you, Stanley!