Friday reads and a subscriber's query revision

Children's book writer Adina revises her manuscript description, and I reveal Part II of my TBR pile.

Hello and TGIF!

Before we get to subscriber Adina’s revision, last week I shared a photo of the books in my TBR (to be read) pile, and explained how those books got there. But I left three books out!

TBR part II and I

The three books I couldn’t include last week because they were, from left to right 1) borrowed by my husband 2) in my car CD player and 3) stolen by my daughter (who baked me that cookie) got to me via the following ways that I established last week:

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Category #2: Literary Citizenship

God and Sex by Jon Raymond

In 2011, I was in Portland, Oregon “method writing” a book about John Mayer (this is a long story that I will one day tell) and I’d asked friends from the Tin House workshop I’d recently attended whether there were any local authors who might be willing to meet with me to share publishing advice. As someone without an MFA and few industry connections, I was actively trying to make friends and educate myself about the world I wanted to enter. “Jon Raymond” was the name proffered by almost everyone I talked to, unanimously agreed to be “the world’s nicest guy.” I can vouch for that assessment: Jon is a super guy. He also has one of the most hypnotizing, calming narrative voices in literature—since our Portland coffee many years ago, I’ve read every book he’s written not just for the unique settings and characters, but for the “near hallucinatory-intensity” (Publishers Weekly) of his prose. “God and Sex” is his latest novel (it just came out in August), a book about a spiritual writer who finds himself in a love triangle, just as a tragic climate disaster challenges his faith. (It’s getting a lot of press for being one of the rare literary fiction titles that grapples with religion). I agree with my colleague Justin Taylor who says: “this is some of the best writing about the act of writing—what it actually feels like to go from not writing a book to writing a book to having written one—that I’ve ever read.”

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Category #5: Met this writer when I was dr*nk at a party

How Does That Make You Feel, Magda Eklund? by Anna Montague

I did not include this category in last week’s round up; but who am I kidding, it needs to exist. I first met the writer and editor Anna Montague at a gala for The Author’s Guild last fall (PSA I am a Council Member, and it is my duty and pleasure to encourage all writers to join, especially during a time when us writers need all the legal help we can get fighting AI and intellectual property infringements). Anna’s father has a place not too far from where I live, so we recently met up and our delightful conversation—coupled with the fact that my new/old car has a six-disc CD player—inspired me to get the audiobook of Anna’s buzzy debut novel, How Does That Make You Feel, Magda Eklund? I’m still on CD #1, but I’m loving this tender and super funny tale about a 70-year-old woman who only realizes she was in love with her best friend after her best friend dies. It’s performed to perfection by Cynthia Nixon.

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Category #6: I was gifted it

By Invitation Only by Alexandra Brown Chang

Alexandra Brown Chang’s debut YA novel showed up in the nicest influencer package I have ever received. (These packages used to be called “big mouth” mailings, but I think that verbiage has thankfully been updated. Basically these are press kits sent to people the author’s team hopes will spread the word about the book or choose to review it. Often the package misses the mark, but this one was a bingo.) The box the package came in was this luscious matted black with a magnetic closure—a sturdy keepsake in its own right that now houses all my meds. There was also a keychain from the Ritz in Paris, an extremely high quality tote bag, and many other goodies, best of all the saucy book itself. By Invitation Only is about a group of debutantes in Paris who are clawing, mascara-ing and smooching their way to the crown.¹

Have you read any of these titles? What about the books I posted last week? The rest of my TBR pile is here.

Now on to revisions!

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This past Wednesday, we ran a workshop with subscriber

Adina

Glickman. You can revisit the workshop here so you get the context, but in the time between us filming the workshop and it going live, Adina worked on a revised description and first page of her children’s novel that she wanted to share.

Adina’s Before & Afters to her children’s novel, Dearest Dandelion:

Here’s the original description Adina wrote about her novel:

When the trees in a Northern California valley suddenly begin to die, the obsessively tidy, weed-hating Banyan tree who has ruled the region for a hundred years, is at a loss as to what’s wrong or how to help them. The two weeds she’s grudgingly allowed to reside in her midst—for reasons she’s kept a secret—each dispatch one of their downy seeds on a mission to find a cure. Together, these airborne heroes—Dearest, a scrawny dandelion seed and Medley, a nearsighted milkweed seed—must overcome the insecurities and fears that accompany their wee stature. They’ll have to conquer fickle winds, navigate urban obstacles, win the trust of judgy plants, and locate Sisco, the wise old tree who can tell them how to restore their ecosystem. If they don’t find the strength and sense of purpose needed to complete their quest, they’ll have no home to return to.

And here is the description Adina revised after our workshop. (I suggest watching the workshop to understand the context of the revision.)

When a giant fir tree on Honeysuckle Hill suddenly collapses, Dandy Dandelion and Milky Milkweed’s preparations for launching their seeds are sidelined by the crisis. When more trees fall ill, Milky recognizes that, as members of a shared ecosystem, all their lives are in danger. Despite years of being bullied by the trees, Milky sees that healing them is vital to the weeds’ survival. When Banyan, the tyrannical and weed-hating tree who’s ruled the Hill for a century, dismisses Milky's assessment of the danger, the weeds each quietly dispatch one of their downy seeds on a mission to find a cure. Together, these airborne heroes—Medley, Milky's nearsighted daughter, and Dearest, Dandy’s scrawny son—will have to conquer fickle winds, navigate urban obstacles, win the trust of judgy plants, and figure out how to return their ailing habitat to health. If they can't overcome the insecurities and limitations that accompany their wee stature and find the strength and sense of purpose needed to complete their quest, they’ll have no home to return to. Full of heart, humor, and adventure, DEAREST DANDELION shows us the importance of finding one’s purpose in life and how vital (bio)diversity is to a thriving community.

In this post from last Wednesday, you can read Adina’s original first page that she submitted to be workshopped. Here, below, is a revision to that first page she made a week later.

I didn’t assist with this revision nor did I provide feedback on it—I’m sharing it here with her permission so we can discuss it (kindly, warmly) in the comments.

Chapter 1 (revised): Honeysuckle Hill

Dandy Dandelion watched from the safety of his meadow as the catastrophe unfolded. Up early and counting his late-season petals, the shudder of the enormous tree in the valley caught his attention. Dandy flinched as Big Fir tipped, then leaned over, like he was about to tell the oak tree a secret. As Big Fir's roots lost their grip and peeled away from the soil, he grabbed at his neighbor’s branches before crashing to the ground—ka-ba-boooommmmm—sending echoes rippling through the valley. On impact, a flurry of twigs, birds, and startled insects erupted.

“Uh oh,” said Dandy to the windless meadow air. “That’s not good.”

Even for a dandelion, Dandy had unusually clear vision, and he could see the all the way from the safety of the meadow as the sky over the valley rained bits and pieces of forest. Torn leaves and confused butterflies swirled together through the dust. Worms dangled from upturned roots and nests had been catapulted from their perches, and squirrels ran for cover among the tangle of broken branches on the forest floor.

“What was that?” asked Milky Milkweed, yawning and patting her swollen pod.

“It’s forest business,” snapped Banyan, the massive tree who had ruled the Hill for the last century. “And put away those ridiculous petals. This is no time to be flaunting your yellowness.”

“I can’t help it if I haven’t gone to seed yet.” replied Dandy, whose blossoms screamed look at my fabulousness even when he wasn’t trying. He gasped when he turned to Milky. “Oh no, Milks, your pod is splitting.”

“I know. Did Banyan see? I was hoping the wind would pick up before my seeds were ready to come out.”

“Nah, she’s busy interrogating Big Fir’s neighbors to find out what happened.”

“You’d think she’d be comforting them. They lost a friend. It must be awful.”

“That’s Banyan. All business,” said Dandy.

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So? What do you think?

I don’t want to weigh in with my thoughts about the revisions because:

1) I’m weirdly obsessed with the Banyan tree character and Banyan trees in general, so I can’t be objective about the description overhaul.

2) You have enough of me yapping in the workshop itself!

See? There I am in Adina’s workshop, talk-talking away!

The only thing I’ll say is that Adina should bring in a sentence from her bio (shared with me Wednesday) to highlight one of her book’s marketing angles: Adina believes if kids could relate to plants the way they do their people and pets, environmental advocacy would be way cool.

It’s pretty clear that Adina is capable of writing across a wide range of tonalities and voices (maybe she needs to do an adult version, a YA and a childrens’ book edition of this story—and a graphic novel too?) so the question is—which is the right one for the story she wants to tell?

On to you now! What do you think of Adina’s revisions? Do you have a better sense of who the narrator(s) is/are and what the story is about? Does this feel like a childrens’ book? Young adult? Does the genre matter? Was there something in the prior versions that you preferred?

Remember please: in your comments, give Adina a compliment before anything else—thank her for her time and bravery. Constructive and kind feedback only after that, please very much and thank you!

See you next week when I believe I will be writing about how a narrator’s problem can be turned into plot. Thanks for being here.

Courtney

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1. Update: This book just launched and was an instant New York Times bestseller. Congratulations, Alexandra!