Self care is important and a big part of that is personal boundaries around our precious time on earth. We are all learning to say NO. And that's a good thing.
"I no longer want to be frantic and overcommitted to the point that I have to do things half-assed or in a haphazard manner." <---THIS.
Something I try to remind myself often, is that while we may be able to do 'all the things' --we cannot do all the things WELL.
I'm sorry you had to make such a hard, heartbreaking decision, Courtney. I've always admired you as someone who gives so much to others AND advocates for your own time and worth. None of us can do it all, all the time. And most projects don't last forever. You sustained something amazing for 8 whole years, and no one can take that away from you.
Your post is perfect for my introduction to your site and comment section. I see a wealth of knowledge behind your subscribers. The election for me was a door slamming to a way of life I can't afford. Most of your subscribers are young women at the apex of their careers where at 73, my priorities have shifted. Aging is surprising....especially if you are trapped with a mind of a 12 year old... so my commitments now are sacred, are reserved, and accost the tendencies of excessive volunteering. Momentum has much to do with it. In my career for 30 years I was gone (Merchant Marine) and then home...so lack of continuity often saved me from certain destruction. Now however, my latest theory is that anyone over 65 years old must fight off their inherent OCD.
So on November 8th on the 6th anniversary of the Camp Fire (been through 5 fires since 2008), I have given up politics except for voting and donations... I have turned the TV off. I am focusing on my substack "Spirit of the West" and then decided to attempt to write Manosphere stories (like children books) for young men in a hope to reverse the callous course our voting suggests and bring back manhood back to a place where community, womanhood, civil rights, respect, and support are once again ingrained and integral to our current diseased national testosterone balance. Time to put the skateboards away.
Thanks for this space. (I usually vent on a blog, clip and paste it to "Notes" and then erase it. It has become my journal of sorts.)
Late to the game but love the honesty and vulnerability of this post. Confession time—I used to be a volunteer reader for a literary magazine (on top of an intense day job where I often worked 60+ hour weeks). It was peak pandemic I was burnt out but I felt if I resigned from the (unpaid) position I’d be giving up on a way to stay connected to a creative community. Eventually a friend said to me: “why are you still doing this?” when I complained of exhaustion and that I no longer enjoyed it. I quit shortly after. Because I freed up the time for what was no longer serving me, I found a lovely writing group where I could actually give my own writing some love and care. It opened up a whole bunch of opportunities for me. There was a disconnect between the time I had and the time I wished I had. Anyway thanks for opening a forum to share these stories! It’s great reading the comments and seeing people take stock of what’s working and what’s not.
Right with you, Sister. All of this resonated. We dissolved a theatre company two decades ago. It's hard to let go of dreams but I love the idea of resting as resistance. Thank you for all the energy you give to supporting the arts and all of us here.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I was nodding along as i read it. On a much, much smaller scale, i am in the process of letting go, or rather transitioning, the magazine that I run. At one point it was more than just a rural centred creative magazine, it also had a writing school and retreats and all sorts of amazing things. But what has happened is that I have ended up with about 75% of the time I spend on it just about raising funds for it, and it's too draining, too time consuming, too soul destroying. I've not announced it yet, but we will be closing the print version and moving online. I'll be having one last go at securing a grant to help us do that properly. I am trying to think of this as a new adventure rather than a failing. Your post has given me so much more courage to say, actually, it's OK to not want to be constantly in a state of chaos and frazzlement!
Arts funding is pitiful. The burden of constant fundraising is worst in the US in my observation, though book festivals, at least, face it all over the world (festival directors all cite it as the #1 challenge). Except in France, or at least it's not as bad here because there's so much funding given to arts and culture overall. That value system is a big reason I'm here.
Thank you for the intention and energy you gave to this opportunity and its recipients! Heartbreaking, but also brave and freeing. The Scorpio new moon, man...clearing out all the $hit that no longer serves us...
Courtney, thanks as always for your vulnerable transparency. I completely agree that we can't do ALL the things, though for a long time in my life, I tried. I am reading the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less and a lot of the author's points are very resonant with what you've described in your writing in this post and your post about time management - identifying the things that matter most and focusing on those, not EVERYTHING.
Right now, I'm consciously trying to de-scope a few things and some things I'm currently saying "no" to are: day job social events, weeknight plans M-W evenings. There are certainly more things I can de-scope, but I'm wrestling with this.
Thank you for sharing your journey so openly! A huge applause to you and The Cabins team for making that magic happen. A gathering of artists from all backgrounds sounds like the most fun ever! And I see that it is a TON of work to make happen. Holy wow!! 👏👏👏
Your experience resonates. Somehow, I've just realized this season of my life is maybe (hopefully) the busiest ever.... young kids, career, household, family, etc. I don't know how it took me so long to realize this. I was stuck trying to do it all! Now that I see it, though, letting go of anything that's draining or not a good fit has become much easier. I also see that letting go can be both hard and right. Keep looking forward!
Ah yes, the moment you run smack into the brick wall of unrealistic expectations... :-/ You're to be commended for realizing that you have limits. [!] Not everyone can, but it will result in a much richer life -- and work -- in the future, so kudos to you!
I appreciate this so much. Thank you for sharing your journey with The Cabins, it's really affirming to read. Smaller scale decision, but I recently had to shelve a novel-in-progress (one that I'd invested quite a lot in) since it the subject matter was feeling too close to home, and that choice started to feel emblematic of this frankly really tough period in my life. I'm not good at letting go of things without guilt, especially things that are tied to my art (toxic patriarchal mindsets are so hard to shake, like you said), but the way you've framed your decision here is something that will stick with me. I also need to say that even during my brief time at the Grantsville retreat I made lifelong friends and created work that I'm proud of and that's endured through multiple editorial phases of my debut novel. I'm so grateful to be a member of this writing community you've created here on Substack, as well. Thanks for continuing to be such a beacon of honesty and grace.
Thank you for sharing, Kat. I bet that novel just needs to be in hibernation for a while and will emerge brighter and stronger and more useable in the years ahead.
I appreciated this post, Courtney, and I appreciated your vulnerability and transparency in writing it (I lol'ed at the very funny-unfunny "nonprofitable nonprofit"). In reflecting on your question today (I listened this morning, but just haven't had a chance to respond), I think I've just become more discriminating on where I spend my time and energy and comfortable saying no to what doesn't serve me. The stakes are too high for the rest of my life and what I'm working on and what's important to me. Something you said, about choosing not to continue when you and the board didn't have the capacity to give to this project what it needed, really struck a chord with me. Our art is made all more powerful, I think, when we don't dilute it by giving our energy too freely. It's a lesson I'll continue to reflect on for sure, especially as I get ready to query in the new year. Best to you, always, and wishing you a speedy recovery from your cold!
You remind me of all the times I've had a bright idea for some kind of grand project and someone says, "You should do it!" and I know, without doing it, that it would entail precisely the huge commitment that you found so difficult to sustain over time in the current landscape, and I would have to be a very naive 22 year old to even try. The cross-fertilization of artists idea of The Cabins is so beautiful, but it may need a very wealthy benefactor who doesn't mind losing money to sustain it. I'll let you know when I meet her.
What a heartbreaking decision, but no doubt the one to make before resentment took its toll. I've never attended one of your retreats at The Cabins, but believe me, I looked at them longingly many times!
Can relate, Courtney. You seem to have what Lucinda Halpern calls the "Big Idea" mindset, and I'm very similar. It's actually helpful to hear the realities of running a 501(c)3, because this coming Saturday I will participate in a group discussion about beginning a local nonprofit that will operate much like the Human Library organization. I feel it's good to go in with my eyes open. Thank you for that. And for all you do for the literary community.
Self care is important and a big part of that is personal boundaries around our precious time on earth. We are all learning to say NO. And that's a good thing.
"I no longer want to be frantic and overcommitted to the point that I have to do things half-assed or in a haphazard manner." <---THIS.
Something I try to remind myself often, is that while we may be able to do 'all the things' --we cannot do all the things WELL.
I'm sorry you had to make such a hard, heartbreaking decision, Courtney. I've always admired you as someone who gives so much to others AND advocates for your own time and worth. None of us can do it all, all the time. And most projects don't last forever. You sustained something amazing for 8 whole years, and no one can take that away from you.
Thank you so much Beth. That's so kind. Thank you for reading.
Your post is perfect for my introduction to your site and comment section. I see a wealth of knowledge behind your subscribers. The election for me was a door slamming to a way of life I can't afford. Most of your subscribers are young women at the apex of their careers where at 73, my priorities have shifted. Aging is surprising....especially if you are trapped with a mind of a 12 year old... so my commitments now are sacred, are reserved, and accost the tendencies of excessive volunteering. Momentum has much to do with it. In my career for 30 years I was gone (Merchant Marine) and then home...so lack of continuity often saved me from certain destruction. Now however, my latest theory is that anyone over 65 years old must fight off their inherent OCD.
So on November 8th on the 6th anniversary of the Camp Fire (been through 5 fires since 2008), I have given up politics except for voting and donations... I have turned the TV off. I am focusing on my substack "Spirit of the West" and then decided to attempt to write Manosphere stories (like children books) for young men in a hope to reverse the callous course our voting suggests and bring back manhood back to a place where community, womanhood, civil rights, respect, and support are once again ingrained and integral to our current diseased national testosterone balance. Time to put the skateboards away.
Thanks for this space. (I usually vent on a blog, clip and paste it to "Notes" and then erase it. It has become my journal of sorts.)
I salute your endeavor with the childrens’ books you are working on— that is marvelous and much needed!
Late to the game but love the honesty and vulnerability of this post. Confession time—I used to be a volunteer reader for a literary magazine (on top of an intense day job where I often worked 60+ hour weeks). It was peak pandemic I was burnt out but I felt if I resigned from the (unpaid) position I’d be giving up on a way to stay connected to a creative community. Eventually a friend said to me: “why are you still doing this?” when I complained of exhaustion and that I no longer enjoyed it. I quit shortly after. Because I freed up the time for what was no longer serving me, I found a lovely writing group where I could actually give my own writing some love and care. It opened up a whole bunch of opportunities for me. There was a disconnect between the time I had and the time I wished I had. Anyway thanks for opening a forum to share these stories! It’s great reading the comments and seeing people take stock of what’s working and what’s not.
“There was a disconnect between the time I had and the time I wished I had.” That is so well phrased. Thank you so much for sharing.
Right with you, Sister. All of this resonated. We dissolved a theatre company two decades ago. It's hard to let go of dreams but I love the idea of resting as resistance. Thank you for all the energy you give to supporting the arts and all of us here.
For profit is always superior to non profit, imo, and businesses tend to help more people with more dignity than charities.
Wise choice.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I was nodding along as i read it. On a much, much smaller scale, i am in the process of letting go, or rather transitioning, the magazine that I run. At one point it was more than just a rural centred creative magazine, it also had a writing school and retreats and all sorts of amazing things. But what has happened is that I have ended up with about 75% of the time I spend on it just about raising funds for it, and it's too draining, too time consuming, too soul destroying. I've not announced it yet, but we will be closing the print version and moving online. I'll be having one last go at securing a grant to help us do that properly. I am trying to think of this as a new adventure rather than a failing. Your post has given me so much more courage to say, actually, it's OK to not want to be constantly in a state of chaos and frazzlement!
Arts funding is pitiful. The burden of constant fundraising is worst in the US in my observation, though book festivals, at least, face it all over the world (festival directors all cite it as the #1 challenge). Except in France, or at least it's not as bad here because there's so much funding given to arts and culture overall. That value system is a big reason I'm here.
Yes! I lived in France all of my 20s and am married to a French person so I concur, concur, concur!
New adventure, new iteration of old adventures— lessons learned along the way. The fundraising was a succubus for me.
Thank you for the intention and energy you gave to this opportunity and its recipients! Heartbreaking, but also brave and freeing. The Scorpio new moon, man...clearing out all the $hit that no longer serves us...
Courtney, thanks as always for your vulnerable transparency. I completely agree that we can't do ALL the things, though for a long time in my life, I tried. I am reading the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less and a lot of the author's points are very resonant with what you've described in your writing in this post and your post about time management - identifying the things that matter most and focusing on those, not EVERYTHING.
Right now, I'm consciously trying to de-scope a few things and some things I'm currently saying "no" to are: day job social events, weeknight plans M-W evenings. There are certainly more things I can de-scope, but I'm wrestling with this.
Saying “no” is the biggest part of efforts to re-focus I think! I hope saying no brings more “yes” energy to your life.
Thank you for sharing your journey so openly! A huge applause to you and The Cabins team for making that magic happen. A gathering of artists from all backgrounds sounds like the most fun ever! And I see that it is a TON of work to make happen. Holy wow!! 👏👏👏
Your experience resonates. Somehow, I've just realized this season of my life is maybe (hopefully) the busiest ever.... young kids, career, household, family, etc. I don't know how it took me so long to realize this. I was stuck trying to do it all! Now that I see it, though, letting go of anything that's draining or not a good fit has become much easier. I also see that letting go can be both hard and right. Keep looking forward!
Ah yes, the moment you run smack into the brick wall of unrealistic expectations... :-/ You're to be commended for realizing that you have limits. [!] Not everyone can, but it will result in a much richer life -- and work -- in the future, so kudos to you!
I appreciate this so much. Thank you for sharing your journey with The Cabins, it's really affirming to read. Smaller scale decision, but I recently had to shelve a novel-in-progress (one that I'd invested quite a lot in) since it the subject matter was feeling too close to home, and that choice started to feel emblematic of this frankly really tough period in my life. I'm not good at letting go of things without guilt, especially things that are tied to my art (toxic patriarchal mindsets are so hard to shake, like you said), but the way you've framed your decision here is something that will stick with me. I also need to say that even during my brief time at the Grantsville retreat I made lifelong friends and created work that I'm proud of and that's endured through multiple editorial phases of my debut novel. I'm so grateful to be a member of this writing community you've created here on Substack, as well. Thanks for continuing to be such a beacon of honesty and grace.
Thank you for sharing, Kat. I bet that novel just needs to be in hibernation for a while and will emerge brighter and stronger and more useable in the years ahead.
I appreciated this post, Courtney, and I appreciated your vulnerability and transparency in writing it (I lol'ed at the very funny-unfunny "nonprofitable nonprofit"). In reflecting on your question today (I listened this morning, but just haven't had a chance to respond), I think I've just become more discriminating on where I spend my time and energy and comfortable saying no to what doesn't serve me. The stakes are too high for the rest of my life and what I'm working on and what's important to me. Something you said, about choosing not to continue when you and the board didn't have the capacity to give to this project what it needed, really struck a chord with me. Our art is made all more powerful, I think, when we don't dilute it by giving our energy too freely. It's a lesson I'll continue to reflect on for sure, especially as I get ready to query in the new year. Best to you, always, and wishing you a speedy recovery from your cold!
You remind me of all the times I've had a bright idea for some kind of grand project and someone says, "You should do it!" and I know, without doing it, that it would entail precisely the huge commitment that you found so difficult to sustain over time in the current landscape, and I would have to be a very naive 22 year old to even try. The cross-fertilization of artists idea of The Cabins is so beautiful, but it may need a very wealthy benefactor who doesn't mind losing money to sustain it. I'll let you know when I meet her.
:)
What a heartbreaking decision, but no doubt the one to make before resentment took its toll. I've never attended one of your retreats at The Cabins, but believe me, I looked at them longingly many times!
Can relate, Courtney. You seem to have what Lucinda Halpern calls the "Big Idea" mindset, and I'm very similar. It's actually helpful to hear the realities of running a 501(c)3, because this coming Saturday I will participate in a group discussion about beginning a local nonprofit that will operate much like the Human Library organization. I feel it's good to go in with my eyes open. Thank you for that. And for all you do for the literary community.
“big idea person who loathes fundraising” - that’s me!
Same!