This is so fun. +1 on the compression socks since a friend sent me some during my 2nd pregnancy - flights, long car trips. Love them. My only indoor WFH issue is they are slippy on the stairs, but hot in house shoes. I like the Vim & Vigr brand: https://vimvigr.com/collections/15-20-mmhg-compression-socks/cotton
Troubling mother/daughter relationship books?!? Be still my beating heart:
Maya Angelou's Mom & Me & Mom. Drop everything and read this now. What I loved about this story is MA says (paraphrase), "my mom was not a great mom of little kids, but she knocked it out of the park as a mom of an adult." I haven't heard someone else say this before. Her mom literally saved her from a hostage situation (among other heroic feats).
I'm Glad My Mom Died, Jennett McCurdy
Sorrow and Bliss, Meg Mason
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Gail Honeyman
A few months ago I read Sally Field's memoir "In Pieces" and among other elements of her very unGidgety life was a very complex mother-daughter relationship. Her mother was mostly wonderful, but managed not to see what she did not want to see when it came to here second husband's abuse of Sally. And this clearly informed Sally's life, which was marked by depression, poor man-choices, and a terrible capacity for managing her finances. She's a pretty good writer though, and finally found a great therapist who helped a lot.
I recently read Shark Heart by Emily Habeck, which explores a VERY complicated mother-daughter relationship, albeit in a different way than you likely meant.
Burnt Sugar by Avni Doshi! Read it last year—featuring an aging mother with dementia and an adult daughter who reluctantly cares for her while reconciling her mother’s questionable choices, including neglect and abandonment, when she was little. Like that it subverted the trope of South Asian mothers being sacrificial martyrs, and emotionally the book really dwells in the discomfort, even toxicity, of their relationship. As an adult daughter who recently also became a mother to a daughter, it struck a cord. A cautionary tale, perhaps :). (Would so love a copy of Costalegre!)
T Mira Madden’s “Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls” is an incredible example of portraying complex relationships - especially mother/daughter -in memoir with honesty and compassion. She gives us such a whole picture of her mother, a loving woman struggling with addiction, secrets and difficult men, and I find it even more remarkable how young she was when she wrote it. It’s one of the best examples I’ve ever seen of how we write about difficult family dynamics without villainizing or lionizing the real people we turn into characters.
This is the second recommendation for compression socks from a writing substack in a week. Maybe it is trying to tell me something, so I have a compression sock question- are they squeezy? Because my ankles swell sometimes and socks bite into them and it is very annoying, so I feel like more sock would be worse, not better. But perhaps I am wrong.
I do not have a book about mother/ daughter relationships to add because I avoid them for Life Reasons.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner is a recent read of mine that fits the bill for your giveaway. Memoir and an honest recollection of some less-than-pleasant memories alongside the happy times, which takes courage when writing nonfiction, especially when it’s about someone who has died. Have read 3 of your books but not Costalegre and would love to win a copy. Thanks, Courtney!
Oh, I still adore COSTALEGRE! It has a special spot in the bookshelves next to my writing desk. And now I'm dying to know how your script translation worked out--one week, eek. I was just thinking about translation. As in, it's hard to know if you love an author, love the translator, or both. I'm crushing on Dorthe Nors at the moment. (Her A LINE IN THE WORLD is helping me think about how I might write about my ancestor who was the first woman lighthouse keeper on the Great Lakes.) I've taken a class from Nors, so I know her spoken English is impeccable. Still, her translator on that writing project, Caroline Waight, contributes much to the book's success. (I'm sure--though I can't read it in Danish to confirm.) And thanks for the compression sock tips--I love that your posts are as wide-ranging as they need to be! That's a good idea. I also recently discovered Dansko clogs (found cheap at a thrift store). They are atrocious-looking but work wonders for days when my legs feel heavy.
Another book that is on this theme although not specific to mothers is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson. She gave a great interview on this podcast episode: https://spotify.link/hBxvfusBqIb
I just finished Banyan Moon by Thao Thai, which chronicles the mother-daughter relationship between three generations of Vietnamese women. It is beautifully told, rich in cultural details, and impressive in scope--ranging from Vietnam during the war to present day Florida.
My favorite book about complicated mothers and daughters is Lit by Mary Karr, actually that whole series, Liars Club, Cherry, and Lit, I’ve read them all, loved them all.
Beautyland (I can't wait for the interview with Marie-Helene Bertino!). I'm a single mom and felt so seen in so many ways by the mother-daughter relationship in this book.
I have to wear compression stockings every day for a medical condition and Juzo are the best! Also, I’m Sorry You Feel that Way by Rebecca Wait hits those mother daughter vibes with humour and atmosphere
"Concerning My Daughter" by Kim Hye-jin brilliantly tracked the political awakening of a Korean mother coming to terms with her troubled relationship with her daughter with a rhyming narrative of her work as caregiver for an aging former activist, for whom she serves as a sort of surrogate daughter. I see others have mentioned "Crying in H-Mart," and this would make an interesting novella to pair with that memoir. There are some similar scenes of maternal concern that comes cloaked in casual cruelty. It's somber for sure, but I always find some hope in characters who find their way to more open-mindedness later in life.
My two mother / daughter book recommendations: Women Talking by Miriam Toews, & My Name Is Lucy Barton by Elizabeth Strout. Cheers from Canada.
This is so fun. +1 on the compression socks since a friend sent me some during my 2nd pregnancy - flights, long car trips. Love them. My only indoor WFH issue is they are slippy on the stairs, but hot in house shoes. I like the Vim & Vigr brand: https://vimvigr.com/collections/15-20-mmhg-compression-socks/cotton
Troubling mother/daughter relationship books?!? Be still my beating heart:
Maya Angelou's Mom & Me & Mom. Drop everything and read this now. What I loved about this story is MA says (paraphrase), "my mom was not a great mom of little kids, but she knocked it out of the park as a mom of an adult." I haven't heard someone else say this before. Her mom literally saved her from a hostage situation (among other heroic feats).
I'm Glad My Mom Died, Jennett McCurdy
Sorrow and Bliss, Meg Mason
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Gail Honeyman
A few months ago I read Sally Field's memoir "In Pieces" and among other elements of her very unGidgety life was a very complex mother-daughter relationship. Her mother was mostly wonderful, but managed not to see what she did not want to see when it came to here second husband's abuse of Sally. And this clearly informed Sally's life, which was marked by depression, poor man-choices, and a terrible capacity for managing her finances. She's a pretty good writer though, and finally found a great therapist who helped a lot.
I'm a fan of Bombas compressions socks, myself.
I recently read Shark Heart by Emily Habeck, which explores a VERY complicated mother-daughter relationship, albeit in a different way than you likely meant.
Burnt Sugar by Avni Doshi! Read it last year—featuring an aging mother with dementia and an adult daughter who reluctantly cares for her while reconciling her mother’s questionable choices, including neglect and abandonment, when she was little. Like that it subverted the trope of South Asian mothers being sacrificial martyrs, and emotionally the book really dwells in the discomfort, even toxicity, of their relationship. As an adult daughter who recently also became a mother to a daughter, it struck a cord. A cautionary tale, perhaps :). (Would so love a copy of Costalegre!)
T Mira Madden’s “Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls” is an incredible example of portraying complex relationships - especially mother/daughter -in memoir with honesty and compassion. She gives us such a whole picture of her mother, a loving woman struggling with addiction, secrets and difficult men, and I find it even more remarkable how young she was when she wrote it. It’s one of the best examples I’ve ever seen of how we write about difficult family dynamics without villainizing or lionizing the real people we turn into characters.
This is the second recommendation for compression socks from a writing substack in a week. Maybe it is trying to tell me something, so I have a compression sock question- are they squeezy? Because my ankles swell sometimes and socks bite into them and it is very annoying, so I feel like more sock would be worse, not better. But perhaps I am wrong.
I do not have a book about mother/ daughter relationships to add because I avoid them for Life Reasons.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner is a recent read of mine that fits the bill for your giveaway. Memoir and an honest recollection of some less-than-pleasant memories alongside the happy times, which takes courage when writing nonfiction, especially when it’s about someone who has died. Have read 3 of your books but not Costalegre and would love to win a copy. Thanks, Courtney!
Oh, I still adore COSTALEGRE! It has a special spot in the bookshelves next to my writing desk. And now I'm dying to know how your script translation worked out--one week, eek. I was just thinking about translation. As in, it's hard to know if you love an author, love the translator, or both. I'm crushing on Dorthe Nors at the moment. (Her A LINE IN THE WORLD is helping me think about how I might write about my ancestor who was the first woman lighthouse keeper on the Great Lakes.) I've taken a class from Nors, so I know her spoken English is impeccable. Still, her translator on that writing project, Caroline Waight, contributes much to the book's success. (I'm sure--though I can't read it in Danish to confirm.) And thanks for the compression sock tips--I love that your posts are as wide-ranging as they need to be! That's a good idea. I also recently discovered Dansko clogs (found cheap at a thrift store). They are atrocious-looking but work wonders for days when my legs feel heavy.
Another book that is on this theme although not specific to mothers is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson. She gave a great interview on this podcast episode: https://spotify.link/hBxvfusBqIb
I just finished Banyan Moon by Thao Thai, which chronicles the mother-daughter relationship between three generations of Vietnamese women. It is beautifully told, rich in cultural details, and impressive in scope--ranging from Vietnam during the war to present day Florida.
My favorite book about complicated mothers and daughters is Lit by Mary Karr, actually that whole series, Liars Club, Cherry, and Lit, I’ve read them all, loved them all.
I just finished Winter in Sokcho by Elisa Shua Dusapin!
Beautyland (I can't wait for the interview with Marie-Helene Bertino!). I'm a single mom and felt so seen in so many ways by the mother-daughter relationship in this book.
I have to wear compression stockings every day for a medical condition and Juzo are the best! Also, I’m Sorry You Feel that Way by Rebecca Wait hits those mother daughter vibes with humour and atmosphere
"Concerning My Daughter" by Kim Hye-jin brilliantly tracked the political awakening of a Korean mother coming to terms with her troubled relationship with her daughter with a rhyming narrative of her work as caregiver for an aging former activist, for whom she serves as a sort of surrogate daughter. I see others have mentioned "Crying in H-Mart," and this would make an interesting novella to pair with that memoir. There are some similar scenes of maternal concern that comes cloaked in casual cruelty. It's somber for sure, but I always find some hope in characters who find their way to more open-mindedness later in life.